When my husband insisted on having a second child since our first wasn’t “Aryan” enough, I told him to get real.I knew I needed to take action when my husband said our daughter wasn’t “European” enough. I saw his entire world come apart, and even though I thought I had gone too far, I came up with a plan to discipline him.I was standing in front of my spouse in my living room, looking at him as if he were a stranger. The words that remained in the gap between us, Peter, made my world twist on its axis.When you say you want a second child, what does that mean? I asked, attempting to keep my voice down. “Amelia is only a year old, and since her birth, you haven’t spent much time with her.”Peter avoided my concentrated gaze, running a hand over his hair.
“Well, Nora, all I wanted for her was to become pale with blue eyes, just like my mother and sister. But she is nothing like what I had in mind. My mouth dropped. “Are you serious right now?” “You know, maybe our second one would look more… European?”I responded with precision. Sincerely, I’m not sure what you’re trying to say. Could you please elaborate? Peter shifted uneasily. “I want to say how proud I am to be Norwegian. I worry that Amelia’s excessive brownness will not be accepted by my family.I was being told unbelievable stuff. Even my own husband talked about our baby as if she were a letdown. I was angry, and before I knew it, we were having a heated dispute.Peter, she’s our daughter! How in the world are you able to think like this? I yelled. He cried back, “I can’t help how I feel.” “Having a child that looked like me was all I wanted!” We spent what seemed like hours going back and forth. I was heartbroken and fatigued by the time Peter stormed out, slamming the door behind him. But while I sat there in the quiet, a thought started to cross my mind.I picked up my phone and called my mother. “Hey, Mom. Do you have a couple days to watch Amelia? Peter has a lesson to learn from me. Fortunately, my mother didn’t ask many questions. All she said was, “Of course, honey.” When you’re ready, get her over. “Thank you, Mom,” I moaned. “I promise, I’ll clear everything up later.”After Peter departed for work the following morning, I packed up Amelia’s belongings. I couldn’t help but think about Peter’s remarks as I zipping up her small bag. How could he have overlooked her flawless nature?With heavy heart, I headed to my mother’s house. Mom gave me a hug after taking one glimpse at my face when I got there. “Oh, my dear,” she said. “What happened?”At that point, I started crying and told her everything. She listened with incredulity and anger. She whispered, “That man,” when I was done. “I ought to tell him what I think.” I said, blotting my tears. “No, mother.” “I’m working on a plan. Just keep an eye on Amelia, please.With a nod, Amelia drew her in closer. “I will definitely do so. You take the necessary action.It was harder than I thought to leave Amelia. I gave her full cheeks a kiss and breathed in her lovely newborn scent. I whispered, “Mommy loves you so much.” “Never forget that.” I spent the day preparing for what was to come home with me. My pulse raced as I heard Peter’s key turn in the lock that evening. With a frown at the unexpected silence, he entered. How is Amelia doing? inquired Nora. I inhaled deeply. “I proposed adopting her.” Peter went completely white. Why is that? What topic are you discussing?I firmly answered, “Well, you said you wanted a child that looked more like a Nordic person.” That’s the reason I believed we could try it again. Perhaps this time we’ll have the pale-skinned, blue-eyed child you’ve always wanted. “Are you nuts?” With wild eyes, Peter yelled. “Where is she now?”There is no sign of our daughter. How far away is she? I watched as the scene grew more plausible. Peter collapsed into the couch, his body trembling from sobbing. His legs gave way. “What allows you to accomplish this?” He choked to death. “It wasn’t my intention to… I had no desire to… My eyes welled up with tears, and I fell to my knees beside him. “How would Amelia react if she knew her father disapproved of the way she looked?” Peter’s expression was mask of pain as he gazed at me. “I apologize sincerely. I have truly been an idiot. Amelia, you have my undying affection. I was simply unsure, you know? Fearful? Stupid? Both of them?I inhaled deeply. Right now, Amelia lives with my mother. She is at ease. It was clear that Peter was relieved. He broke down again and fell into me. “Oh my goodness, I’m so grateful.” I believed my relationship with her was over. We talked and cried together for a long while as we sat there on the floor. Peter talked about his worries of losing contact with his heritage, disappointing his family, and not being able to connect with Amelia. But in the end, he added, none of it matters. “She is our offspring. How I love thee, Nora. It amazes me that I allowed my dumb ideas to stand in the way of it. I wiped my eyes and nodded. “Peter, we must improve.” With regards to Amelia. She deserves parents who will adore and embrace her no matter what.”You’re correct,” Peter affirmed. Can we go get her right now? Would you please? I had to see her and give her a hug. We drove in silence to my mom’s house, each of us engrossed in our own thoughts. Peter virtually raced to the door when we arrived. Amelia was held by my mother while she responded. When Peter saw her, he began to cry once more. He hugged her tightly and kept her close to him. He murmured, “I’m so sorry, baby girl.” “Your father genuinely adores you.” precisely as you are. My mother gave me a weird look. “I’ll explain later,” I mouthful, and she nodded while holding my hand. I spoke with Peter for a long time and through difficult times during the next two weeks. We discussed our identities, the true meaning of family, and the types of parents we aspired to be.One evening, Peter said, “I never realized how deep my biases ran.” “I feel ashamed of the way I behaved.” I reached for his hand. What counts most is the ability to adjust. After learning about the rich history and culture Amelia would inherit from both sides of her family, Peter began researching the past of my family. He also took language studies so that when Amelia grew older, he could teach her not only Norwegian but also my family’s native dialect.Not everything was simple. There were still times, even now, when I would become upset thinking back to what Peter had said, or when his fears would come to the surface. But we managed to overcome it as a team. When I returned home one day, I discovered Peter and Amelia curled up on the floor with stacks of books surrounding them. “What is everything about this?” I enquired. Peter smiled as he looked up. “We’re traveling the globe! Amelia should be familiar with not only our own culture but also every other distinctive culture on the planet. As I watched them talk, I could feel my chest getting warmer. I had always thought Peter would be a father like this.Peter turned to face me one night as we were standing over Amelia’s cot, watching her sleep. “Thank you,” he murmured quietly. “For what purpose?” I inquired. “To have put up with me and taught me the importance of life’s lessons.” He grinned at our daughter from below. “She’s perfect, isn’t she?” I laid my head on his shoulder and felt a wave of calm come over me. Yes, I replied. We still had a long way to go, as I saw my husband softly pat our daughter’s cheek. “She is, really,” I said. But I felt hopeful for the first time in months. It was all going to be alright. Together, the three of us.What about the members of Peter’s family? But that’s a tale for another occasion. Let’s just say, though, that they fell in love with Amelia just as fast as we did when they eventually got to see her. Since love can only see the heart and is ultimately colorblind. How would you have responded in that situation?
